You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
