i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is my gift to your gina
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
