it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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