You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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