There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
