Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
