I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
