I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i love accidental penises.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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