Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
