I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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