so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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