dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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