So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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