your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she looked like the before picture.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
