My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
