Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
