I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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