she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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