And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
