Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
