yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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