I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
