Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
