Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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