i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
