Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
