ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
