My hand turned me down
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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