Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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