If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
COCAINE IS GR8
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
