John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
