btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
