My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
