Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
