Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
