Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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