Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
