I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
