I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
