I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
