so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
