I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
