I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
