Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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