I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
