Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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