One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
