I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
