I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
