dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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