just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
