forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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